hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
