don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
