I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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