He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
