Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
