I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
