There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
