The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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