I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
how do you play pong handcuffed?
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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