Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
