are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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