That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I met the friendliest cop last night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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