p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
