So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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