and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
