I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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