My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
