My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
false alarm, still single
Randomize
