why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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