Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
