ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
