I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
