Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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