his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
