he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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