Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize