I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
