I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
