i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
