HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
