I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Terrible idea I love it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
