Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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