i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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