We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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