I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
