Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
