Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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