so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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