Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
