your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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