I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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