and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
