And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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