my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
