In the future we'll all be gay
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
