I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
