so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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