I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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