apparently the secret to your success is patron
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
