remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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