If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize