brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
