last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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