maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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