I'm lost and stupid without you.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
