More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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