I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
