who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
