How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
