just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
