so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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