I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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