Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
