I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
