the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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