Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
