sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
