Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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