I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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