The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
