remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
