woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
