the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
