im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
