dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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